What I learned when my mom died

A lot of people have that aha moment. That moment of clarity where you realise how fragile life truly is and how pointless 99% of the things you do in your life are. My aha moment was when my Mom got diagnosed with cancer. She died shortly afterwards (and by shortly, I am talking weeks).

The greatest lesson I took from her death was to stop waiting. She always was waiting. Waiting until she had more money. Waiting until we went to South Africa. Waiting until I went to go to university. Waiting until I left university. She lived in the future never fully appreciating the present. Perhaps the reason for this was that her present was too harsh a reality for her to live in, and therefore she chose to live in this fairytale future. Who knows. I will never know.

But we all have to stop waiting. I see it with my friends. I see it with my family. And worst of all, I see it with myself. I wake up in the morning and I cannot wait until the day is over. Its a Tuesday today, and god I cannot wait for it to be the weekend. In two and a half weeks I go to South Africa and I feel myself counting it down. My brother is worse, he cannot wait until he retires. Its all he talks about. Sometimes I stop. I hit pause on the treadmill of life, and I sit there and I realise is this it. Is this what life is, a series of shitty days which you endure in order to get to the day you have been waiting for, be it Friday, Christmas, holidays, retirement etc. Thats not good enough. I do not want to wait. I want everyday to be a day that imbues me with such joy that I truly am in the moment. 

I want to stop putting off all those things I said I would do like go pole-dancing, read books, date, travel, have fun. Stop making excuses and waiting for fun things to happen, and just do them now.

I think my brother put it best when he wrote on the day my mom died:

“What I can take from this is you have to do the things you talk of now. Cause later might not come. So kiss that girl on the first date, tell your wife how beautiful she looks, buy that puppy and have the baby girl you always talk about. Tomorrow I will continue with my life and make every day one to remember. As for the rest of you. Go hug your mom.”

 

 

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Quote of the day

Even after all this time,
The sun never says to the earth,
‘You owe me.’
Look what happens with
A love like that.
It lights the whole sky.
– Hafiz of Persia

Working out: making it stick

Every year, you put it down on your to do list. Go to the gym, workout more, go to more spinning classes, start running etc and we get excited and we see all the people in the gym. But as the weeks go by, we see less and less people going. The once exceptionally busy gym becomes quiet again, the early rise and grind becomes sleep and snooze. That motivation disappears and once again you are back to square one. No change.

So how to make it stick. How are you going to keep this new year’s resolution when you are tired and its raining and the last thing you want to do is go for a run or go to the gym.

Well, there are many ways, but in this blog post, I am going to focus on one of many. And that is develop a love for sport. Crazy I know. But this is all linked into the push and pull of motivation. When you are trying to muster up the motivation to go for a run, instead of thinking ‘I have to go for a run otherwise I am never going to lose this weight and I am going to be fat forever’ think ‘I want to go for a run because I love the feeling of the wind in my hair, I love the feeling of being free as I run, I love the feeling of my legs working to carry me, I love the feeling of the release of the endorphins (those happy hormone).’

This change in mindset will not only (a) associate positive feelings towards working out but will also (b) create a sustainable change by making sport an enjoyable thing. Why the latter will help is as follows, if your sole source of motivation for working out is ‘oh I look fat and terrible and I need to get in shape’, what is going to happen when you do get in shape? What is your motivation going to be then. This is why so many people regain all the weight they have lost. Once you have your dream body, the motivation to work out is no longer there. But, if you create other reasons for working out that is not relating to your physical appearance, you will find that exercise no longer becomes a chore, but something enjoyable.

 

So in a sentence: Have positive and sustainable reasons for working out such as the release of endorphins rather than negative and unsuitable reasons such as losing weight. 

Why I started this blog

I want to empower people to live the best lives that they can. This blog will contain tips and tricks on how to better your life and achieve the goals you want to achieve.

It will be focused on developing a skill set that will help you get the results you want in life.