For the month of March, I am going to be undertaking the challenge of keeping a grattitude diary.
- I was grateful for such a great swim today
2. I am grateful for the delicious pasta I made with tomatoes, cheddar and olive oil
3. I am grateful that my skin is clearer today 🙂
A lot of people have that aha moment. That moment of clarity where you realise how fragile life truly is and how pointless 99% of the things you do in your life are. My aha moment was when my Mom got diagnosed with cancer. She died shortly afterwards (and by shortly, I am talking weeks).
The greatest lesson I took from her death was to stop waiting. She always was waiting. Waiting until she had more money. Waiting until we went to South Africa. Waiting until I went to go to university. Waiting until I left university. She lived in the future never fully appreciating the present. Perhaps the reason for this was that her present was too harsh a reality for her to live in, and therefore she chose to live in this fairytale future. Who knows. I will never know.
But we all have to stop waiting. I see it with my friends. I see it with my family. And worst of all, I see it with myself. I wake up in the morning and I cannot wait until the day is over. Its a Tuesday today, and god I cannot wait for it to be the weekend. In two and a half weeks I go to South Africa and I feel myself counting it down. My brother is worse, he cannot wait until he retires. Its all he talks about. Sometimes I stop. I hit pause on the treadmill of life, and I sit there and I realise is this it. Is this what life is, a series of shitty days which you endure in order to get to the day you have been waiting for, be it Friday, Christmas, holidays, retirement etc. Thats not good enough. I do not want to wait. I want everyday to be a day that imbues me with such joy that I truly am in the moment.
I want to stop putting off all those things I said I would do like go pole-dancing, read books, date, travel, have fun. Stop making excuses and waiting for fun things to happen, and just do them now.
I think my brother put it best when he wrote on the day my mom died:
“What I can take from this is you have to do the things you talk of now. Cause later might not come. So kiss that girl on the first date, tell your wife how beautiful she looks, buy that puppy and have the baby girl you always talk about. Tomorrow I will continue with my life and make every day one to remember. As for the rest of you. Go hug your mom.”
Even after all this time,
The sun never says to the earth,
‘You owe me.’
Look what happens with
A love like that.
It lights the whole sky.
– Hafiz of Persia
This picture is my end goal in life. I want to be on my deathbed surrounded by people who love me and thinking ‘wow, that was fun. I am tired’.
This might sound grim and morbid thinking about my own death but one thing everyone needs to remember is that the only thing in life that is guaranteed is death. We will all die. Everything else is a choice. And my choice is to live the best fucking life possible and to fill it with as many fun memories as possible.
Remember this, everything you do is a choice. And the only thing that is guaranteed is death. It is up to you, between now and then, to decide how the fuck you going to live it.